Dear Jake,

I remember the first time this guy told me he wanted to hear me spit and drool while giving head. I was 18 at the time and didn’t quite get it. I labeled him a filthy pervert and set about finding a decent, normal man who'd be happy with a simple head bob-head-bob-squirt. But to my surprise, I found that the easier it was to please a man , the harder I worked at getting him off. Curiously, it wasn’t until my 25th year that I performed fast, hardcore deep-throat, averaging 600 head bobs per minute (the average HPM is 22.6). And let me tell you, the force of it made me cum without even touching myself!

So, the moral of the story is, I wouldn’t advise you to force your girl into anything. As thrilling as the thought of making her choke on your love stick is, if she doesn’t like it then she doesn’t like it. However, if she's just tentative about it because she believes she's the only girl on earth who is being asked to do this, then we can fix it. As you probably know, there is a multitude of whack material out there for people with your fetish. A good Erik Everhard movie will do the trick. For example, check out Teens Revealed #5. Notice how he just gets the girls to do it without much effort or forcefulness. Just give her some time to get adjusted to it. After all, girls who gag weren't made in a day.

Hope this helps! Betty

Dear Bill,

Ever since When Harry Met Sally came out, men all over the world have been wondering how many times they've been duped into believing they give great "O". In your case, it's tricky because your woman swears you're the best. You know she's not lying about faking it, so why would she be lying about your ability to make her cum? Sorry, but you'll never be able to tell if her moans are genuine or not.

But there is something you can do. Tell her it's OK if it doesn't "happen for her." She knows you're eager to please her, but sometimes a girl can be with an amazing lover and still not cum. Nine times out of ten it has nothing to do with you. Other times, the chick might be soaking wet and ready to climax, and suddenly—she loses it. Such is the mystery of the female "O". Just get in there and do your best. If she knows you won't be disappointed when she doesn't get there, she won't have to fake it anymore. Try Alexander Institute's Ultimate Sexual Massage or Sinclair Intimacy's Big O. The techniques you'll learn from these two sources will hopefully dispel your concerns about your woman faking it.

Hope this helps! Betty

Dear Joe,

Have a bottle of vodka and some kind of painkiller on hands at all time. It may seem like all glitz and glamour (and sex) working on an XXX film set, but don’t be fooled - it is hard work. However, if you're dead set on building the next Vivid studio, there are some things you can do.

First, watch lots of porn. I know a guy who makes indie films and every one of them is a piece of shit. Why? He's not a film fan. He doesn't know any movies at all and really has no interest in watching them. How can you want to engage in an activity that provides you with references like no other, if you have no interest in it?? So, rent from the masters - Seymore Butts, Jules Jordan, Jenna Jameson, GGG, Wicked Pictures, Zero Tolerance, Acid Rain. These are directors and studios you’ll need to study before picking up a camera.

Second, treat it like a business because that's what it is. If you've ever watched behind the scenes, you'll see that the chicks are just there to do a job - they have no affection for the men whose dicks are inside them. When the scene is over, they go home and that's it. Keep things on a professional level and you will garner respect. Three: realize the market is saturated; however T&A pretty much always sells. And if you can fulfill a niche or fetish, you'll do well.

Finally, if it ain't broke don't fix it. There's a formula to making porn and this brings us back to the watching those who've done it before. Take Seymore Butts, a guy with a video camera who likes to film sex. Rent one of his classics like Tushy Heaven with the incomparable Alisha Klass or Seymore and Shane Mount Tiffany starring Butts' first love Shane and the enormously endowed Tiffany Towers. You'll see how Seymore makes use of the camera as he films Tiffany blowing him in the middle of the night. Or how he happens upon Shane and Tiffany tangled in a naked love tryst. One man, one microphone and a whole lot of ambition. That's what you should aim for my friend. Oh, you can get stylish and all that, find your own way, but just remember that plots are poison. Get down to the dirty and you'll do all right.

Hope this helps! Betty

Dear Joan,

Ok, can you say, "weird question?" Where I come from, unless you're a gay man, you don't start planning out a Halloween costume until September at the earliest. I respect your enthusiasm, however and there just so happens to be a boatload of current events to inspire you. You can be the Runaway Bride with her throat slit (which is what should happen to her for lying and making search parties come after her). Then of course there's the Pope, Michael Jackson, a finger in Wendy's chili, and the never-ending, puke-worthy barrage of Star Wars characters we're sure to be smacked with all summer.

The truth is, only YOU can decide whether you're gonna trick or treat - but I can tell you a ghost story. Four words: My Ass is Haunted. This wicked spooky lesbo romp stars Belladonna pregnant as a pig and her co-star, Julie Knight. They lick and lap and poke and prey, kinda like black cats on…well, Halloween. Ok, so it's not a solution to your costume drama, but hey, it's haunted and it's from the Evil Empire. What could be more Halloween than THAT?

Hope this helps! Betty

Dear Lexi,

If it's true what they say about clothes make the man, then you're dealing with something of a 14-year old. Let's forget the fact that you mentioned "sweater" and "khakis" in the same sentence and go with something simpler - the sex. It sounds like you got a rocking love life with a guy you find super-attractive and honey, there ain’t nothing wrong with that. But it would be a tragedy to let a hot bod go to waste with bad clothes, so your concern is just.

I suggest you start by commenting on what other men are wearing or what the two of you see while out shopping. A little "Oooo, here's a sexy shirt that would look good on you," never offended even the worst dresser. If he doesn't take the hint, try more flattery. "Baby, your body is so hot it should be drenched in Gucci." Ok, so chances are he doesn’t know what Gucci is, but it's the perfect time to school him on the finer threads in life. Buy him something great and see how he reacts. Worst case scenario, if he shows absolutely no interest in being well-dressed, you'll have to come right out and tell him that you’re embarrassed to be seen with him in public, that he's got the fashion sense of a third-world commoner and if he doesn't change you're going to leave him. I guarantee if you threaten to take the pussy away he'll turn that wack wardrobe into a wicked one in no time.

If not you can try one last measure - a screening of The Fashionistas. An adult feature shot on film, this stylish epic is the design of Italian porn stallion, Rocco Siffredi. And as you know, the best designers are Italian. If your man won't wear couture, he'll at least enjoy watching others get fucked in it. Good luck and Godspeed to Bloomingdales.

Hope this helps! Betty