Dear Everett,

Rifling through the hundreds of thousands of pornos these days to find what you want can be a daunting (and expensive) task. But you've come to the right place for advice. Check out All Girl Pussy Party (Bacchus TTV) for snatch-eating, cunt-licking girl-on-girl action. If you really enjoy girls eating each other out, you want Lesbian Lick-a-thon (Sunshine). It's 2 hours of hardcore girly action. If sensuous is what you need, go for I Love Lesbians (New Machine). See Bridgette Belle go gay with Stacy Valentine and eat her twat like a natural. Even more erotic is Sapphic Liaison (Ninn Worx). Directed by Michael Ninn, a veteran porn-art-core visionist, this romp starring Jodie Moore is hot without being nasty. Long-time biz girls Christy Canyon and Tiffany Minx add the class to this one that the films you know are lacking. Now that you know what to get, here's a tip: Avoid rentals like Ass Eaters Unanimous #10 and Busty Dildo Pissers.

Hope this helps! Betty

Dear Justin,

This would be something you just have to come clean with, I'm afraid. Although most genital warts disappear with out any treatment at all, the virus they carry doesn't go away. I'm wondering how the hell it's possible that your wife's mouth got past your dick without seeing warts all over it! I can only hope you've been wearing condoms all this time, but whether you have or haven't, you should tell her the truth and then tell her to see the doctor right away. Genital warts or Human Papillomavirus, are STDs caused by a virus that can be spread by sexual contact. Keeping this nasty little secret from your wife could cause a lot of damage to her health. She could contract these warts on her vagina, cervix, urethra, vulva, and anus. In some cases, this could cause changes in the cervix which have been associated with cervical cancer. Don't mess around when it comes to STDs. It may be embarrassing, but it's better to feel shame then feel sickness.

Hope this helps! Betty

Dear Unsigned,

I AM naked right now. I always write my column in the nude. Can't you just see me at my desk, boobs shaking while I type, pussy on the fabric of my chair? You silly man. Write back with a REAL question next time.

Betty

Dear Tina,

It's true, deep-throating isn't for everyone. What's happening to you is the gag reflex is kicking in and your body's rejecting something big thrust down your throat. No worries, though. There are a few ways to ease the discomfort so that you can practice until you are a champ.

First, this may seem obvious, but you should be hornier. Taking a dick deep-in your mouth, pussy or ass - is always easier when you're in the mood for love. If you're just looking to please him but you're not horned up yourself, you'll never swallow the meat. Second, relax your throat muscles with either alcohol or honey. Make the decision to be calm and poised and your chances for deep-throating will improve. Practice on a carrot at first if you have to, taking it down inch by inch SLOWLY. If it gets too deep and you feel like you're going to gag, don't take it out. Instead, just hold it still and breathe through your nose. When you're ready to go on, push it a bit further. If you do this again and again, you'll be ready for the real thing in no time. Remember, practice makes perfect.

Third is the most important and that's the position. In the beginning you need to get where you feel comfy and in control. Sitting on the edge of a bed, chair or couch with your guy standing is best. That way, you can guide it in with your hand. Once you've got the breathing technique down and gained control of your gag reflex you can turn to different positions for maximum penetration. Lie down on the bed with your head hanging off and let his dick fall down into your mouth. Hold the base of his cock with your hand and guide it down deeper and deeper until you're a regular sword swallower. There should be no pushing or shoving or thrusting or grabbing of hair, etc. It is much easier to accept a cock deep when the giver is controlling the speed. Positioned in this way it seems easier to let the thick cock slip down your throat. Relax and let it sit there for a while.

Another good position is 69, or any position where you're on top. You'll have total control over how deep it gets, and if a gag is felt coming on, you can pull off in an instant. Finally, if you're planning on swallowing you must concentrate. Get it as far as you can, and then stop. Let him cum while it's all the way down your throat. That way you won't taste or even feel it because it's the same temperature as your body.

For further techniques, you might consider watching some pros. Better Oral Sex Techniques from Adam & Eve will get you off on the right foot, if Nina Hartley's Guide to Better Fellatio (Adam & Eve) doesn't do the trick. Then, you could move onto Blowjob Training Camp from Smash Pictures. Once you're more comfortable, try Best Blowjob on the Planet from Vivid.

Hope this helps! Betty

Dear David,

There are so many variables that come into play here. First of all, you didn't tell me your age. Second, you may look like Jabba the Hut, which would make it a little hard for me to tell you to simply go hit on a girl. Are you housebound or under-aged? Do you have horrific acne? Are you painfully shy? All these factors affect how I would advise you. But assuming you're an all-American boy over 18 years of age, I can tell you this: be humble, sweet don't ever - EVER ask a girl "will you fuck me, or at least give me a blowjob?" That's a surefire way to NOT get laid. Make sure you know how to talk to a girl. Compliment her, take her out, and don't expect sex on the first date. When the time is right, you'll know what to do and it will all fall into place. Of course if you need sex or a BJ immediately, you can turn to the oldest profession in the world. But you already knew that.

Hope this helps! Betty

Dear Derrick,

I can tell you unequivocally, you are not normal - and that's a good thing! Most people don't fuck every night, especially if they're married. And even more don't explore anal or bloody sex for that matter. Statistics show that married couples have sex only about once a week. Add kids to that mix and forget about it. So it's really refreshing to hear of an uninhibited couple who are still hot for each other and for whom nothing is taboo. And everything you're doing IS normal because there is no "normal." You can pee on each other, tie each other up, eat strawberries out of each other's bungholes, have threesomes, use toys - anything you want - and it's all normal so long as you both agree to it. I say spice it up as much as possible, because that's what keeps a marriage fresh. Sex is the most important element in marriage and it's the first activity to go. Keep up what you're doing and give it to your wife any way she wants it. The rest of the world only wishes they were as "normal" as the two of you!

Hope this helps! Betty

Dear Gary,

I don't know what kind of shit you've been renting, but I can tell you pornos are nothing BUT hot these days. If it's great angles you're looking for, you should rent everything from Rocco Siffredi, John Stagliano, and Jules Jordan. All these guys are innovators with the adult video camera. Not only are their angles, lighting, and camera work aces, they get amazingly hot girls to do the nastiest things. And these guys are doing the fucking, so there's no nonsense. We're talking huge cocks going in small holes and no tongue-slapping anywhere. You can't go wrong with these: Jules Jordan's Weapons of Ass Destruction, Trained Teens, and Flesh Hunter; Buttman's Bend Over Babes, Adventures of Buttman, and Sodomania #5; Rocco Sifreddi's Rocco's True Anal Stories, Rocco Animal Trainer, and Rocco's Hardest Scenes. If none of these are hot enough for you then you better check your pulse!

Hope this helps! Betty