Dear Betty,
I'm a 32 year-old man getting married in August, and although my fiancé is the love of my life, I've always fantasized about bringing another girl—and even another guy into our bedroom. My bride-to-be thinks it's "weird" and she's uncomfortable with the idea of having sex with others. Do you have any suggestions on warming her up to the idea of a threesome, or advice on how to make it work (if we actually do decide to go through with it) without any feelings of animosity or jealousy afterwards?
- Clint G. Austin, TX
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Dear Clint,
You've touched on a subject near and dear to Betty's heart. Just like you, I was once as apprehensive (yet curious) as a kitten about threesome sex. It wasn't until I explored all the options and possibilities and felt certain there would be no jealousy that I became fully committed to it–and then fully addicted to it! Now, your bride is going to need a lot of convincing from the sound of it. That doesn't mean you should force her to do anything she truly doesn't want to. But a little suggestion, a gentle nudge, a lot of reassurance (ass-kissing compliments help) and a few dirty movies just might do the trick.
 My first suggestion is to erase the "weird" association your girl has about threesomes. And, the way to do that is by desensitizing her to it. If you two are regular porno watchers-great! You're ahead of the game. If not, just watch Nina Hartley's Guide to Threesomes: Two Guys & a Girl or Nina Hartley's Guide to Threesomes: Two Girls & a Guy (Adam & Eve/Ultimate) depending on which angle you're going for. Because they're educational, the idea may come off as less harsh and more "normal" for your wife-to-be. If not, you'll have to work a little harder. Suggest the idea of a threesome to her and if she resists, ask her if she'd at least be open to learning more about it before saying no. Pop in Nina Hartley and class will be in session.
 If after she watches she likes what she sees, you can graduate to less dogmatic porn and show her something like Three Somes (3rd Degree Films), which includes some raunchy pussy and ass-fucking scenes. Remind her that it would feel amazing for her to have four hands touching her instead of two. Or that she would look unbelievably sexy kissing another girl.  If she's receptive, especially to the thought of doing it with another girl, move on to something like Big Tit Threesomes (Big Top). I guarantee that what she once thought of as bizarre will suddenly pique her interest. That's how I got into anal sex, but that's another Q&A. In the meantime, when you talk about actually doing it, reassure her that it's her you love, but that maybe you both should have this experience just once before you get married. Of course, if you both like it, you can continue after you say your vows. But for now, pitch it as a one-time thing.
So assuming it's a go and your dream does come true, it's important to establish boundaries, such as what the third party will and won't be allowed to do. Decide long before the actual night if you're going to allow penetration of any kind, oral sex, kissing on the lips, etc. and then stick to it. In my experience, things can go too far in the heat of passion and boundaries get crossed—that's when those feelings of animosity you spoke about come into play. Assure her that she's not the only one who might experience feelings of jealousy and ask her what she'd be willing to put up with. And after your night of bliss (be it with another man or woman) is through, be sure to talk it over with your fiancé. Ask her how she felt, how she feels now that it's done and what she liked and didn't like. And if all that goes well, ask when you can do it again!
Hope this helps! Betty |